What would happen if Jason Bourne's dad became a Man on Fire like Denzel Washington? Taken would happen. The movie is amazing. It would have been 5 stars if there where one change to the film. Since it is set in France, Jean Claude Van Damme should have had a major role in the movie as a bad guy. That would have been dope. The casting of Liam Neeson as the hero was perfect though. For a movie like this you need someone like Liam Neeson or Wesley Snipes, no one else would do.
I told some dude to watch this movie and he said that he was not interested because Liam Neeson is not dope. Incredulously I axed him if he had seen Darkman, which I already knew the answer was no because he obviously would not have made the first statment had he seen Sam Raimi's second best film ever. I asked the question so that he would have to bear full responsibility for what was about to happen to him. He knew that pain was coming and he winced, preparing for a slap to the soup cooler, as he said "uh, nah dude I missed Darkman." I did not hit the man in the mouth, I decided to flip the script and kick him in his third eye and paralyze his legs.
Taken is great for many other reasons than just Liam Neeson. There are too few movies where dudes who know Karate torture French Alabanian perverts and then kill them. I dont dig torture movies like Saw and Hostel, who wants to see innocent people get all jacked up? But terrorists, pedophiles, kidnappers, traitors, rats.... all these are game for torture. Big ups to whoever greenlight Taken, it is a movie with balls.
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Always with The Darkman.
ReplyDelete"Take the fucking elephant!"
"EXCUSE ME!"
ReplyDeleteDarkman was hot even though the man who played Robert Durant was a sad excuse for a main villian. What? Was Mickey Rourke not available?
Shao Fe,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your straight dope reviews. I was a big fan of your radio reviews and am glad to see you've transitioned well to the online. You are a master of many forms.
I keep forgetting that Dr. Giggles was the bad guy in this flim -- When I close my eyes to peel-off my bandages and think about Darkman, my vision of the bad man is always the plastic 'drinking ducks' that were out to ruin him, and me. I've known ever since that drinking water from plastic (what the hippies and yuppies loved to do until the other day) was bad for you. Whenever I saw someone drinking from a plastic water bottle, I envisioned them as plastic drinking ducks that blew-up in slow-motion. I would watch the pieces fly by me and I would dodge them very fast and sometimes say "woah!" and then laugh at where the drinking duck had been.
It's good to read your reviews. I always felt I could trust you -- Even when I don't trust myself to do what's right, I trust you. I'm looking forward to your review of "Tyson." I trust Mike Tyson, too.
Your fan,
Charlie
I am glad that you eagerly await the film about the great man formerly known as Iron Mike.
ReplyDeleteI went to the theaters years ago to see a movie called Black or White (perhaps Black & White, memory fails due to the films overall shittyness.) Anyway, I went to the movies based solely on the fact that Mike Tyson was playing himself and was seen choking Robert Downey Jr because he was gay.
not that i have a problem with gays. it is just great to see Mike Tyson choke a man for such an indiscretion.
ReplyDelete