Saturday, June 13, 2009

Mirrors 2 Stars

I received this movie through Netflix and can not figure out why I continue to put bad movies in my queue. The premise is simple, unfortunately so is the plot and execution. Keifer Sutherland is an alcoholic ex cop who has anger management issues and a strained relationship with his family. He does not speak at a normal volume. Instead he either whispers or screams, there is no middle ground. Oddly, this character is exactly like Jack Bauer. Can you say typecast? Sutherland's agent can.

Considering this movie was made by the same guys that made High Tension and the Hills Have Eyes remake, I was expecting another good scary movie and not another bad American version of an unscary Asian film. Mirrors obviously was the latter. The movie actually started off pretty good and I did not mind the fact that the main character was exactly like Jack Bauer because I dig 24. By mid film I was wondering where the story was going and by the last quarter I was disgusted. I am sick and tired of the cheap plot device where the supernatural bad guy is somehow related to some 9 year old girl who acts crazy and wears a white dress. I saw it in the Ring years ago. I saw it in Fear.Com years ago. I saw it in many other bad movies that I cant remember. It was not scary then, it is not scary now. I don't care how bad and crazy a 9 year old chick is, If we threw hands I would beat her like she owed me money. For it to be scary it needs to be something that could do you harm. Jason Vorhees? He has 187 skills, ergo he is scary. Freddy? He will make a joke as he slices you up or does some faux karate like he did when he fought Jason, ergo he is scary. The leprechaun? He can box with blacks on a street corner and rip out their hearts like he did while he was In the Hood, ergo he is scary. 9 year old chicks in white dresses stand there and look like they belong at Booth's Corner selling fresh squeezed lemonade that actually is made from Country Time powder. You can see my point.

The only good scenes basically were the ones where Keifers hot wife ran around scantily clad and moist due to a flooded crib and the scene where Keifer puts a gat in a nuns face. There also was a good line where Keifer told an old dude "Don't make me threaten you." Other than that the movie is bad. Skip it.

3 comments:

  1. Ha, you watched fear.com. Silly. Though you probably only watched it for Stephen Dorf and hoped for a repeat tour de force like the one he gave in The Gate.

    Best post thus far. Please don't stop because I'm so late in dropping comments. I care damn it!

    Booth's corner reference, double dope.

    Does Keifer really ever play anyone but Keifer? He's been playing the same dude since Lost Boys.

    High Tension - dope film until the last 10 minutes. Just turn it off when she goes ape on the car and assume she does a Leatherface dance and the film simply ends. The crappy shock ending ruined the entire film. Such a letdown for a such a great, fucked build up.

    Won't step to Hills because Platinum Dunes ruins fucking everything they touch. It's not like it's that hard a formula to make a good slasher film. Still, they managed to poop on Jason. I'm still getting over that. And now they want to fuck with Freddy? Assholes. Nightmare #1 is a great piece of film that needs no reboot.

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  2. I like when TV's Jack Bauer tortures people on '24' but I don't like being tortured in real life... I turned it off about 20 minutes in. I don't know how it even got 2 stars.

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  3. A bad movie gets 2 stars if I finish it for some reason. On my scale, you would give it 1 star. I mostly watched it in the hopes that Tony Almeida would show u and help Jack beat people down.

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