Mirrors 2 Stars

I received this movie through Netflix and can not figure out why I continue to put bad movies in my queue. The premise is simple, unfortunately so is the plot and execution. Keifer Sutherland is an alcoholic ex cop who has anger management issues and a strained relationship with his family. He does not speak at a normal volume. Instead he either whispers or screams, there is no middle ground. Oddly, this character is exactly like Jack Bauer. Can you say typecast? Sutherland's agent can.

Considering this movie was made by the same guys that made High Tension and the Hills Have Eyes remake, I was expecting another good scary movie and not another bad American version of an unscary Asian film. Mirrors obviously was the latter. The movie actually started off pretty good and I did not mind the fact that the main character was exactly like Jack Bauer because I dig 24. By mid film I was wondering where the story was going and by the last quarter I was disgusted. I am sick and tired of the cheap plot device where the supernatural bad guy is somehow related to some 9 year old girl who acts crazy and wears a white dress. I saw it in the Ring years ago. I saw it in Fear.Com years ago. I saw it in many other bad movies that I cant remember. It was not scary then, it is not scary now. I don't care how bad and crazy a 9 year old chick is, If we threw hands I would beat her like she owed me money. For it to be scary it needs to be something that could do you harm. Jason Vorhees? He has 187 skills, ergo he is scary. Freddy? He will make a joke as he slices you up or does some faux karate like he did when he fought Jason, ergo he is scary. The leprechaun? He can box with blacks on a street corner and rip out their hearts like he did while he was In the Hood, ergo he is scary. 9 year old chicks in white dresses stand there and look like they belong at Booth's Corner selling fresh squeezed lemonade that actually is made from Country Time powder. You can see my point.

The only good scenes basically were the ones where Keifers hot wife ran around scantily clad and moist due to a flooded crib and the scene where Keifer puts a gat in a nuns face. There also was a good line where Keifer told an old dude "Don't make me threaten you." Other than that the movie is bad. Skip it.

Futuresport 1 Star

This movie is set in 2025. If the future truly is anything like it was portrayed in this movie, I hope I am no longer on this earth to see it. This gem of a film is a ripoff of not one, but two Rollerball movies. The original Rollerball had James Caan and was amazing. The remake had Chris Klein. It was not amazing. This installment stars Dean Cain. See a pattern here? Each ripoff gets a saggier star to replace James Caan. Who's next, Stephen Hawking?

The trailer had explosions, hot chicks, karate, Wesley Snipes.... all things that were dope enough for me to look past the fact that Dean Cain was in it. But in the first five minutes of the movie I knew that I was in for a true steaming pile of feces. The bad guy is supposedly some underground revolutionary bad ass. The bad thing is that he is some emaciated mixture of an Italian and a Laotian Ladyboy who has a bad goatee and worse tattoo all over his chevy chase. How the fuck are you going to be an underground bad guy and have a full face tattoo? No one would notice that asshole walking around when he stopped at Wawa to get a bag of Herr's crab chips and a big gulp.

And Dean Cain. Where did hollywood find this horse's ass? The mans acting is atrocious, his hair is atrocious and his attempts at choreographed fighting were a disgrace to humanity. I have actually lost some respect for Wesley for being in this movie. I know the man has tax problems. I know the man is considered a washed up second rate actor. But this is inexcusable. Wesley probably showed up at the casting call for the Expendables and Sly cleaned up his act for being in Futuresport.